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A Pastor, A Mama, And The Mouse

I can’t hear you …

If you know me .. you know the journey that I have been on the last few years of trying to refind myself. I thought I knew exactly who I was and exactly who called me to be and then my world was turned upside down. I was no longer who I was and found myself in a place where I couldn’t even recognize myself. My parenting skills were off. My mental health was a wreck. My world had crushed me. 

It was in the middle of the night when I was crying out to God yet again for some sort of comfort. Joy. Peace. That I realized I was trying to find me in the wrong ways. It’s not about who I think I am. Who the world tells me I am. 

Let me just stop right here for a second and tell you something. If you’re like me and you suffer from a lot of self doubt, self esteem issues, and just don’t truly believe in yourself and who God has called you to believe – listen to me – you are CHOSEN (1 Peter 2:9) LOVED (John 3:16) HIS (1 John 3:1) WORTHY (Zephaniah 3:17). Shut out the noise of the world that is telling you that you’re no good, you’re not important, you’re unloved and unworthy. Don’t listen to it sis. You are worth far more than rubies (Proverbs 31:10) and if God cares for the sparrows and dresses the wildflowers – just imagine how much more He cares for you. 

I digress …. I wrestle with these thoughts far too often. I was going through a moment in my life where I felt unheard, unseen, and quite frankly – unloved. It was in those moments when I quite literally would scream at God wondering where He was, why I was here, and what happened to me. I couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment I lost myself, all I knew is I didn’t know who I was anymore and how I got there. It was in those moments that God directed me to the “unseen” books of the Bible … you know the ones that aren’t preached out of often. You don’t see bible studies done on them. You probably can’t even quote a single verse out of any of them. They are a part of His Word, but yet they’re unseen and unheard. So I started with the minor prophets and then made my way through most of the old testament and currently am working through some of the letters to the church. And can I just tell you how much God SPOKE to me through those. I found so many nuggets of truth. So much love. So much peace. I found God through all of them that are looked over. How if we just returned to HIM He would return to us. He never left us. He never walked away. He just wanted our attention. Our love. Our commitment. He just wanted me. And when I started pouring myself into Him, into His word, into prayer, into filling myself with what HE said I am and not what the world says I was … I found my peace again. 

If you’re struggling with any of those feelings like I was can I just encourage you for a moment? Sure you might not be where you think you should be, where the world tells you you should be, but you’re there for a purpose. You’re not alone. You’re not being ignored by God, or left “unread”. You’re special. You’re amazing. You’re loved. You’re chosen. You’re seen. You’re heard. 

One of my favorite authors, speakers, and pastors right now is Hosanna Wong. I highly suggest giving this a listen … God calls you his beloved and you are His. And belonging to Him – that’s a beautiful thing. 


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